If there was a year that we wanted to finish as quickly as possible, this is it! Just because we’re laughing at 2020 memes while we have our virtual New Years Eve celebration doesn’t mean they can’t be funny. Whether you’re flying solo, playing virtual New Years Eve games, or just hanging out with your midnight kiss, these New Years jokes will keep you and your team laughing until 2021. Because let’s face it, we could all use some good laughs now! same!
50 NEW YEAR JOKES
Youth is when you are allowed to stay awake during the New Year. Middle age is when you are forced to.
What do New Year’s parades with Santa Claus have in common? No one is awake to see them.
What is a New Years resolution? Something that comes in one year and comes out the other.
My New Years resolution is to see my cup half full, preferably with rum, gin, vodka, or moonshine.
What is the New Years resolution of the digital camera? 1080p.
What do you wear in the bathroom on January 1 after number 2? New Year’s bidet.
What is someone named Stephen called on December 31? New Years Steve!
What do the cows say on January 1? Happy New Year Moo!
What’s the worst part about jogging on New Year’s Eve? The ice that falls from your drink!
What is the favourite festival of corn? New Ears Eve.
How does Prince celebrate the new millennium? It left as if it were 1999.
My New Years resolution was to quit my bad habits, but nobody likes quitters.
What was the resolution of the Amityville priest? Exorcise more.
What grows a field on January 1? New year’s hay.
What Happened to Dr Frankenstein? New Years Resolution? To make new friends.
What does a ghost say on December 31? Happy new year boo!
Related: New Years Trivia
What did Che Guevara do on New Year’s Day? A new year’s revolution.
What do you say to someone you didn’t see on New Year’s Eve? I haven’t seen you since last year!
A man asks his friend for a cigarette. Your friend jokes, I thought you made a New Years resolution and that you don’t smoke. The man replied: I am in phase one of quitting smoking. Confused, his friend asked: Phase one? The man laughed, yes. I stopped buying.
What New Year’s resolution should a basketball player never make? Travel more.
What does a jeweller do on December 31? Ring in the New Year.
What was the official New Year’s Eve snack? Dick Clark Bar.
I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It is a good reminder of what I did throughout the year.
What is the snowman’s New Year’s resolution? To relax more.
What did the cheerleaders say on New Years Day? Happy new joy!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Abby. Abby who? Abby New Year!
A woman took a nap on New Year’s Eve. When she woke up, she told her husband, I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring as a New Year’s gift. What do you think all of this means? He replied: Aha, you will know tonight! At midnight, her husband handed her a small gift wrapped in gift wrap. Excited, she opened it quickly, but was even more surprised: in it was a book called The Meaning of Dreams.
Why do birds fly south for New Year’s Eve? Because it is too far to walk.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Razor. Razor, who? Razor glass and toast to a happy new year.
Happy New Year Jokes
What’s the easiest way to keep your New Years resolution to read more? Watch television with closed captioning.
What do criminals pay on January 1? New year’s restitution.
May all your problems last as long as your New Years Resolutions.
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year goes away.
Where can you find comedians on New Year’s Eve? Waiting for the auction.
An iPhone and fireworks were arrested on New Year’s Eve. One was charged and the other was released.
A man who drank too much decides to walk home on New Year’s Eve. A police officer stopped the man and asked him where he was going. I’m on my way to a conference, the man replied. The cop scoffed, Who lectures on New Year’s Eve? The man replied: My wife.
Why are Times Square parties overrated? Because they drop the ball every year.
What do you call someone who says they know all the words of Auld Lang Syne? A liar.
Why are there so many vampires on New Year’s Eve? For the time of Old Fangs.
What do you say when you say goodbye on December 31? See you next year!
I made a New Years resolution to stop procrastinating, but I’m going to wait until next year to start.
Where can you practice the multiplication tables on New Year’s Eve? Times Square.
Why should you stand on your left foot only during the New Year’s Eve countdown? So you start the New Year off on the right foot.
What does a ghoul say on December 31? Happy new fear!
What food should you avoid on New Year? Firecrackers.
What happened to the man who stole a calendar? He is 12 months old!
What is it called always having a date for New Year’s Eve? Social Security.
What New Year’s resolution guarantees success? Making a resolution to break your resolution.
What does a caterpillar do on January 1? Flip over a new sheet.
Did you hear about the guy who started making breakfast at midnight on December 31st? I wanted to make a New Years toast!